I ain’t missin you at all.

Some days, like today I miss my old life.

I’m in bed, been here since 7:45pm, it’s now 11:00ish. Emerson isn’t dealing with the 92° weather very well. He hasn’t been eating much the past week and he’s teething. Since we co-sleep (keep your opinions of that to yourself please!!) when he goes to bed, I go to bed.

Anyway, before I had a baby I would have spent the day at a bbq with fun people, good food, cold beers and gone to the local firework show. I spent the day trying to keep Emerson cool, chasing him with his water and shoving any food he would eat in his mouth, watching Curious George on repeat and praying he would take a nap because I slept approximately 4 hours last night.

I miss sleep!! I miss not having an alarm on my days off- which now don’t exist. I miss going to bed as early or as late as I wanted. I miss sleeping in any position I want, I used to be a stomach sleeper. 40+ weeks of pregnancy and a 14 month old bed hog mean I sleep half sitting up on the edge of the bed.

I miss having a social life! I used to have a lot of friends and went out a lot. I used to be a ton of fun, at least I thought I was 🎉 I used to be spontaneous. A friend and I drove to Portland at 3am because we couldn’t decide to go right or left so we went right. Only to turn back as soon as we got there! I packed up and moved to Seaside, Oregon because I needed a change (little did I know that was the best choice I ever made). I miss being invited to the bar, I miss being invited to hangout. I miss beer! No need for an intervention!

I miss being pretty. I miss having a (kind of) decent bod. I miss having nice clothes and shoes. I miss taking daily showers, drying/styling my hair and doing my make-up.

With all of that being said;

I LOVE Emerson, I love being a mom, I am so completely in love with this kid it’s ridiculous and I would not change this life for my old one not for anything.

I love my sleepless night. They mean I get to watch him sleep peacefully. I get to snuggle him close and feel his pudgy hand pat my cheek every once in a while, letting me know he’s okay and that he’d like more milk 😉

I love being a boring stay at home mom. It means I don’t have to miss a single second of him growing up. It means I was there for his first word, crawl, step, owie and I get to experience it all. How blessed am I?!?

I like knowing my mom less than 10 minutes away and that she will be there in a moment’s notice to help. I love having my friends nearby. I love having my boring routine. Sure there are days I still wish I could pack up and go visit my brother in Cambodia-but I know one day Emerson and I will go!

I’m glad nobody asks me to hangout anymore. I would much rather spend time with my little guy. I do still get a twinge of jealousy and sadness when I see my instagram/FB feed and see all the fun everyone had last night, but I got to read Emerson “Goodnight Moon” and “Babar” for the 10 millionth time and I got to tuck him in and kiss him goodnight.

I don’t drink much now because A-not good for Emerson and B-I need to be 100% at all times.

I gladly give up daily hair/make-up time because instead I get to go on walks with Emerson and build block towers and have dance parties! I’m okay with wearing my hair in a bun for the 2nd day in a row and that my mascara is left over from yesterday. The bags under my eyes are worth it!!

I know one day I’ll sleep again. One day I’ll enjoy happy hour with friends. One day I’ll take a trip around the world! I’ll wear my sparkle heels again 👠 with a LBD.

For now I’ll keep loving the life I have and spoiling the cutest kid in the world!

Happy Fourth of July ⭐🇺🇸⭐